So I was at Joon's party. "indie" music people were there, with "bigger" stars later. The next night, I fetched my Mom from the last night Anabel Bosch's wake/party - she's college friends with Anabel's mom. I also found out that Ian and Allen Umali's mom is also my mom's friend. So I thought: why wasn't I really meant destined to follow that path.

I also get much envy for IT/tech people who manage to have band careers - or at least hobbies - on the side. Well of course I don't have much talent, but that didn't stop many of the people out there who persevered anyway. If it takes 10,000 hours to be good at something, I decided to put my 10,000 hours in programming and tech stuff. Guess by now I've put in enough, so I decided to cut back, "detechify," and do tech for work only. Maybe I'll get to rock more. If that's what I really want.

I did get some chances back in high school/college, but didn't pursue it further. A few years ago I had another chance but I couldn't keep it up. It doesn't help that loud, sharp sounds hurt my ears, making drumming a less than feasible option. I have considered learning other instruments to release the inner beats and melodies in my head.

There is a reason I'm glad I failed to become a rockstar. I probably wouldn't have handled the lifestyle. With my bipolar disorder problems, I could have gone off the deep end with all the stresses plus the alcohol and drugs that come with the culture. I just need to be content with the nerdy direction my life has taken.